SAN FRANCISCO – The popular “microblogging” site Twitter has announced that they have achieved positive revenue in the fourth quarter of their fiscal year by installing a snack food vending machine for their employees in the breakroom at their headquarters.

The company, which was founded in 2006, has heretofore struggled to formulate a viable business plan. Attempts to monetize the tremendous volume of “Tweeting” have failed.

It has been reported that Twitter’s venture capital investors (from whom the company has raised over $57 million) had placed pressure on the business to record revenue by the end of the 2009 fiscal year.

In a press conference Wednesday, co-founder Biz Stone first apologized for his name then remarked,

I cannot tell you how excited I am to stop using air quotes every time I talk about our “business”– today I can announce that Twitter has achieved positive revenue.

While we remain privately owned and financed, with a view to an eventual initial public offering, we are releasing a limited amount of information on our revenue results.

As you will see, the product mix is reasonably well-balanced, but we do have concerns about customer concentration. Fully 90% of Twitter’s fourth quarter revenue is derived from employee purchases and 30% can be ascribed to one individual, a software engineer who works on the second floor– we are therefore working on a strategy to broaden our customer base.

President Barack Obama has reportedly asked Stone to fly immediately to Washington D.C. to brief him on job creation and industrial policy.

That's super!

Al Gore must be tired of his proletariat hybrid cars.  He needs something fancier, something that proudly announces to the world:  I am an unstoppable douchebag!  Enter the “Karma”, $90,000 luxury green car for the truly discerning eco-elitist.

Fortunately for the Oscar-winning Nobel laureate, connections with the government will get you a big heap of taxpayer money to fund whatever industrial lark you can dream up.  This comes in the form of a $528.7 million dollar loan to Fisker Automotive, a luxury green carmaker funded in part by Kleiner Perkins Caufield and Byers, a firm at which Al Gore is a parter.  Isn’t government money handy when you want to make huge, risky equity investments?

From the Inconvenient Truth website:

Humanity is sitting on a ticking time bomb. If the vast majority of the world’s scientists are right, we have just ten years to avert a major catastrophe that could send our entire planet into a tail-spin of epic destruction involving extreme weather, floods, droughts, epidemics and killer heat waves beyond anything we have ever experienced.

Ayn Rand, author of Atlas Shrugged:

Capitalists with government help…the worst of all economic phenomenon.