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"Hilarious." – Daniel Hannan

Archive for the ‘twitter’ tag

Watch Max Blumenthal discover the Internetz!

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I can’t tell you how thrilled I was to receive this direct message from Max Blumenthal on Twitter today:


Not because it was coming from undaunted truth-seeking, racist-divining @MaxBlumenthal, but because I was just about to abandon my search for the key to “get[ting] bigger and hav[ing] sex longer.”

Of course I was also thrilled that Maxie had time to contact me personally. After all, as evidenced by the tag cloud on his blog, I am certain he’s quite busy reporting and commenting on all the “lynching” news of our day–

Written by Shittypundit

February 21st, 2010 at 7:49 pm

Bow Wow Gives Real-Time Updates On His Drunk Drinking Via Twitter

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Seriously. From Bow Wow’s Twitter feed (although he has now deleted these posts):

Face numb im whippin the lambo. Tispy as fuck. Just left @livmiami.

Im fucked up!!! Ohhhh damn. Y i drive the lambo. Chris might have to drive after next spot.

“lambo” = Lamborghini.

Apparently this man is still alive. Perhaps the perils of drunk driving and texting while driving cancel each other out!

I hope he feels emboldened. I’d love to get real-time Tweets as he teaches himself to fly a helicopter on LSD.

Via Perez Hilton and NY Post.

Written by Moog Rogue

January 2nd, 2010 at 2:57 pm

Robin Carnahan, social media maven.

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She figured out that Twitter is a platform for annoyingly, incessantly hawking campaign merchandise WAY before Roy Blunt did. (Has he even figured it out yet?)

And she’s sure to stay on top of things, too, what with the zero people she’s following.

H/T Matthew G.

Written by Moog Rogue

December 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 am

Twiddle: The Amish Answer To Twitter Helps Mennonite Teens Feel More Connected

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WoodCarving

A recent Twiddle by @Jebediah pondering a new water wheel at the grain house.

NEW WILMINGTON, PA – Local Mennonite elders have announced the launch of a new Twiddle “wood-blogging” service in an effort to give Amish youth a medium for self-expression. Twiddle is being promoted as an Amish-friendly alternative to Twitter, a popular online “micro-blogging” site which requires the kinds of technology that are typically eschewed by much of the American Mennonite community.

The enclave’s leaders have revealed few details, but Twiddle is believed to entail carving (or “whittling”) wooden objects by hand in order to provide status updates to other Twiddlers.

Written by Ironic Commando

December 18th, 2009 at 8:53 pm

Twitter Achieves Revenue With Installation Of Vending Machines For Employees

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Twitter Revenue By SegmentSAN FRANCISCO – The popular “microblogging” site Twitter has announced that they have achieved positive revenue in the fourth quarter of their fiscal year by installing a snack food vending machine for their employees in the breakroom at their headquarters.

The company, which was founded in 2006, has heretofore struggled to formulate a viable business plan. Attempts to monetize the tremendous volume of “Tweeting” have failed.

It has been reported that Twitter’s venture capital investors (from whom the company has raised over $57 million) had placed pressure on the business to record revenue by the end of the 2009 fiscal year.

In a press conference Wednesday, co-founder Biz Stone first apologized for his name then remarked,

I cannot tell you how excited I am to stop using air quotes every time I talk about our “business”– today I can announce that Twitter has achieved positive revenue.

While we remain privately owned and financed, with a view to an eventual initial public offering, we are releasing a limited amount of information on our revenue results.

As you will see, the product mix is reasonably well-balanced, but we do have concerns about customer concentration. Fully 90% of Twitter’s fourth quarter revenue is derived from employee purchases and 30% can be ascribed to one individual, a software engineer who works on the second floor– we are therefore working on a strategy to broaden our customer base.

President Barack Obama has reportedly asked Stone to fly immediately to Washington D.C. to brief him on job creation and industrial policy.

Written by Ironic Commando

December 9th, 2009 at 5:48 pm

Lt. Topper Harley requests meeting with Obama over 9/11 cover-up

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I’m glad we’ve got our best man on the case.

I was going to suggest such a meeting would be beneath the office of the President, but didn’t Obama invite somebody from terminally pre-revenue Twitter to advise him on economic policy?

Interesting that Lt. Harley has been silent on the war in Iraq, given his own history in the region:

UPDATE: Greg Gutfeld has more on Topper.

But look, I love Sheen simply being Sheen. He is a man unencumbered by self-awareness. Think about it: The world’s most famous clueless druggie, gambling-addicted whore-banger thinks he’s uncovered a conspiracy – and we should all believe him.

How cute is that?

Written by Whattapundit

September 8th, 2009 at 3:08 pm