From a New York Times article on Wednesday. Wednesday, June 3, 1892. (Not a joke.)

A HUNDRED MILES AN HOUR; PROMISED RATE OF TRAVEL FROM ST. LOUIS TO CHICAGO. DR. WELLINGTON ADAMS TELLS ELECTRIC CLUB MEMBERS OF A WONDERFUL ELECTRIC RAILROAD — THE SECRET OF HIS MOTORS RETAINED.

The Empire State Express, which flies from New-York to Buffalo, is soon to be entirely eclipsed by an electric express traveling at thunderbolt speed over a road as straight as an arrow’s course, if the story be not a dream which Dr. Wellington Adams unfolded last night to the members of the Electric Club…

Are you fucking kidding me?

Missouri has won a $1.2 million grant funded by the federal stimulus package for research on “green” occupations and the skills needed for these jobs.

The planned research includes statewide and regional green growth reports with localized analyses of green industries and job trends; a green competency model, which will spell out the skills and competencies needed for green occupations; and a green pathways career guide, which will present a step-by-step guide to securing green careers with assessments, skill lists and training information.

…

Examples of specific occupations with “green” potential include farmers, engineers, environmental compliance inspectors, biologists and construction managers.

I’m not even going to touch that second paragraph because it’s indecipherable consultant-speak. I’m kind of surprised the Business Journal published that sentence.

So let’s look at that last passage about prospective “green jobs.” If we’re talking about potential career paths, this is a no-brainer– you’ve got to go with “environmental compliance inspector.”

Essentially, the federal government is paying Missouri to research how people can receive more money from the federal government for enforcing federal government regulations that destroy actual jobs. What kind of schmuck would pick “farmer” or “engineer” when you’ve got a shot at a triple-reinforced federal bureaucratic green job like that?

I am reminded of this satirical chart. It seems less absurd every day.

Report: 98% Of Stimulus Jobs Created Involve Analyzing Or Reporting On Job Creation

Tom Carnahan, somehow managing to spend $300 million despite erecting the windmills himself.

Moe Lane points out that the success of Tom Carnahan’s Wind Capital Group project depends to a great extent on both stimulus money and the passage of cap-and-trade legislation, and wonders:

I’d ask why Russ Carnahan felt comfortable voting for legislation that would directly benefit his brother, except that I already know that Democratic legacy politicians typically don’t believe that they have to obey the rules that they expect the rest of us to follow. Given the incredible amounts of deference that the rest of their party gives them, they may unfortunately have a bit of a point.

Don’t forget that sis might be in the Senate soon, too.

UPDATE: From the comments, Mitch writes:

OK, let’s see if I can connect the dots. Tom Carnahan gets enough money to finance a windmill farm (whered he get the financing?) Then uses his family connections to legislate that the electric company buy his electricity at above market rates. Sounds like a good business plan!

Via JammieWearingFool:

There’s more proof that the administration is high on soda taxes as a way to curb obesity and fund healthcare reform. Two pro-free-market groups have discovered a $1 million stimulus grant to the University of Illinois to fund a study of the relationship between fat taxes and food consumption, diet quality, and obesity. Of concern is that the study results might be preordained.

A self-replicating, rapacious monster. I wonder if it will turn the world into grey goo.

Political statement, fulfilled campaign promise, and job stimulus?  What a win for Obama!

It looks like the administration has managed to combine the closure of Guantanamo with pork for Illinois.  Supposedly the re-opening of the prison would create 3,000 jobs Obama’s favorite state.  Way to go, guys…

Hopefully the law of unintended consequences won’t strike again.  And again, and again.

The number one new job created by the stimulus?

Waiting in line for “Obama money”: