PALO ALTO – Vice President Al Gore has founded a new company through venture capital firm Kleiner Perkins (of which he is a partner) that develops, manufactures and markets scientific consensus to an unwitting public eager to accept credible-sounding theories from impressive-sounding organizations.

The new firm is named Consensa and it is expected initially to focus on climate and earth science, the field in which Gore has become an outspoken global advocate. However, Gore has suggested that the company may branch out into other areas including industrial policy, population control and nutrition.

Consensa counts among its early successes the manufactured consensus that polar bears experience a higher plane of consciousness than humans.

See also: New Carbon Credit Firm Achieves Offets By Smothering Non-Rich Americans

We don't have enough refrigerated lockboxes for our polar bears.

With cold weather across the country setting new records for low temperatures and early snowfall, believers in human-caused global warming are the object of increased criticism that their ideas constitute patently false pseudo-science.

In an effort to refute these claims, the de facto leader of the movement– Vice President Al Gore– has adopted a bold new strategy for changing minds about global warming. Gore claims to have jettisoned traditional science in favor of the poorly-understood, avant-garde critical theory of postmodernism:

The advantage that postmodernism has is that almost nobody knows what that word means, let alone what ideas it encompasses. I think it has something to do with rejecting conventional narratives or worldviews, or something.

So now that the climate isn’t cooperating with our vision of the future, it only makes sense to reject the very notion that climate is a knowable, measurable thing. It is, after all, just part of a patriarchal, heterocentric, constructed reality. Or something.