Archive for the ‘satire’ tag
SUN – The 4.5 billion-year-old star at the center of our solar system has cooled and shriveled into a white dwarf despite receiving over $1 billion in loan guarantees from the United States Department of Energy.
The failure of the sun marks another disappointing outcome in a series of ill-fated solar energy investments by the federal government and one which is likely to have adverse long-term consequences for the billions of people who have relied on the sun for warmth and food.
President Barack Obama remarked Wednesday,
The failure of one G2V-class celestial body does not spell the end of green energy for the United States.
Much promise remains for the green economy. We must look ahead to a new dawn– er, a new day…
In her editorial “Amateur Hour,” Peggy Noonan quotes an unnamed Obama adviser in 2009 who says of the stimulus:
We should have spent more time thinking about where the money was being spent, rather than simply that there was this hole of a certain size in the economy that needed to be filled, so fill it.
Meanwhile, The Onion asks, Should The Government Stop Dumping Money Into A Giant Hole?
Obama has been relentlessly scolding the American public for our failure to embrace high-speed rail for over two years. He seems particularly upset that China has obtained something that has eluded the U.S.A. for nearly 120 years. Obama lamented in his jobs speech Thursday,
Building a world-class transportation system is part of what made us a economic superpower. And now we’re going to sit back and watch China build newer airports and faster railroads? At a time when millions of unemployed construction workers could build them right here in America?
The man is absolutely obsessed–
A clip-art gag inspired by our president’s clip-art worldview:
Obama claims ATMs and kiosks at airports have eliminated some jobs.
“If you see it when you go to a bank you use the ATM, you don’t go to a bank teller. Or you go to the airport and you use a kiosk instead of checking in at the gate,” he said.
Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) will probably resign. He’s just waiting for the right opportunity– and I’ve got it:
MASSACHUSSETTS – Romneybot, the well-financed Republican candidate for president, has announced that it will switch parties and become a Democrat after realizing that it does not really believe in anything except its own bloodless, indomitable ambition to rule the nation.
Romneybot has repeatedly confused conservative Republicans by supporting ethanol subsidies, professing a belief in anthropogenic global warming, and failing to explain why “Romneycare” does not disqualify him from pursuing an end to “Obamacare.”
Romneybot was evidently pleased to discover that Democrats do not really believe in anything except their own moral superiority– after which Romneybot quickly agreed to do literally whatever they wanted him to as long as he can be President.