Obama has been relentlessly scolding the American public for our failure to embrace high-speed rail for over two years. He seems particularly upset that China has obtained something that has eluded the U.S.A. for nearly 120 years. Obama lamented in his jobs speech Thursday,

Building a world-class transportation system is part of what made us a economic superpower.  And now we’re going to sit back and watch China build newer airports and faster railroads?  At a time when millions of unemployed construction workers could build them right here in America?

The man is absolutely obsessed–

A clip-art gag inspired by our president’s clip-art worldview:

Obama claims ATMs and kiosks at airports have eliminated some jobs.

“If you see it when you go to a bank you use the ATM, you don’t go to a bank teller. Or you go to the airport and you use a kiosk instead of checking in at the gate,” he said.

Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) will probably resign. He’s just waiting for the right opportunity– and I’ve got it:

MASSACHUSSETTS – Romneybot, the well-financed Republican candidate for president, has announced that it will switch parties and become a Democrat after realizing that it does not really believe in anything except its own bloodless, indomitable ambition to rule the nation.

Romneybot has repeatedly confused conservative Republicans by supporting ethanol subsidies, professing a belief in anthropogenic global warming, and failing to explain why “Romneycare” does not disqualify him from pursuing an end to “Obamacare.”

Romneybot was evidently pleased to discover that Democrats do not really believe in anything except their own moral superiority– after which Romneybot quickly agreed to do literally whatever they wanted him to as long as he can be President.

Hey, it’s not nearly as bad as everybody’s saying–

USA – This morning, racism was racism when racist racially racism racisted. Racists throughout the racism are racist toward racism despite racists’ racism of racism. Although racists racially racism racist, racism has brought about racism amid racists and racism. Racism has a long racism of racists, and the racists racism racism are racially racist and racism.

Most racist American racists remain racist over the racism, sinking into almost racist racism after racistly racism. Yet the racism of the racist racism of our racist country presents racism as a racist racial racism.

Racisms racist racism racism. Racists, racism and racists.

The question of whether racism was a racist racism of the racism, an issue raised by a racist that had been racist to suggest as much, may have racist her a new racist, the racist said.

We’ve racist this racist versus racist and moved to a racism where racism can racist racism racist. Racists were hoping we would racist racism. But this is racism that racists’ racism racism racism, and racists are racism racism.

The racist, who is racist, was asked to racism after racism of her racist a racial racism surfaced showing racists racially racism to racists because of racism.

Racism racist racism, racist racially racism racist– racism’s racist racism racist racial racistly racism racism; racism racist’s racism racist racism. Racists racism racist, racism’s racism racists. Racism racist, racist racism racist racial racism, racism racism racism racism racism racism. Racism racism.

REDMOND, WA – In its latest move to deploy surplus cash and to expand its reach and relevance, tech giant Microsoft has announced the acquisition of the domain name Awesome.com for $50 billion.

The transaction will consist of cash and the assumption of net debt– chiefly a $7.99 payable to GoDaddy for a month-to-month Economy hosting plan. Awesome.com is wholly owned by Skip Willoughby of Maryland Heights, Missouri and according to Microsoft, earns between $10 and $12 per month through “cash parking,” a GoDaddy service which populates a website with context-relevant advertisements.

Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer remarked,

Microsoft is often derided as a humongous, complacent and incrementalist corporation that churns out uninspired products and couldn’t increase our stock price to save our lives. Well, to our critics, I am pleased to announce– we are awesome. Dot com.

There is increasing evidence that consumers are spending more and more time on the Internet. We have been closely reviewing the rise of the Internet over the past 15 years or so and we feel that it is now time to make a bold move– indeed, an awesome move. Dot com.