Archive for the ‘onion’ tag
“Folks in Alabama are worried about their jobs and providing for their families, not this junk,” Wilfred campaign spokeswoman Deana Riggs said. “Come November, voters aren’t going to care about who did or didn’t die in this or that war.”
“Chris Wilfred is the man for the job,” Riggs continued. “God rest his soul.”
SEE ALSO: Candidateâ€™s Words on Vietnam Service Differ From HistoryÂ (NY Times).
We also made the paper smaller. That way it was easier for Michael to read it on the train. Buddy’s not going to be thrilled about it. I know he liked the way the big pages covered his lap while he masturbated at the library’s computers– but we think the new jumble will make up for that.
As usual, it tilts left, but it’s still pretty clever–
An analysis conducted last week revealed a number of troubling flaws within the long-running, heavily subsidized program, including a lack of consistent oversight, no clear objectives or goals, the persistent hiring of unqualified and selfishly motivated individuals, and a 100 percent redundancy rate among its employees.
…over a thousand more may have suffered some exposure to her inflexible hair and pseudo-folksy hand gestures.
EVANSVILLE, KYâ€”Members of the Somewhat Aryan Nation, the country’s most outspoken white sufficiency group, held a rally Tuesday night to once again declare that the white race was at least as good as, if not equal to, “a bunch of other pretty decent” races. “We call upon all our white brethren to rise up and show the world that the white race is adequate!” cried Bill Pitzen, the group’s vocal leader, before a raucous crowd of 300 supporters. “Blacks, Jews, Latinos, homosexualsâ€”I don’t need to tell you that our modest race can hang with even the best of them in a number of diverse areas. Evenly distributed white power!” According to Kentucky residents, Tuesday’s rally is the least offensive and controversial since last month’s annual meeting of the North American Man/Woman Love Association
From the Onion.