Are you fucking kidding me?

Missouri has won a $1.2 million grant funded by the federal stimulus package for research on “green” occupations and the skills needed for these jobs.

The planned research includes statewide and regional green growth reports with localized analyses of green industries and job trends; a green competency model, which will spell out the skills and competencies needed for green occupations; and a green pathways career guide, which will present a step-by-step guide to securing green careers with assessments, skill lists and training information.

…

Examples of specific occupations with “green” potential include farmers, engineers, environmental compliance inspectors, biologists and construction managers.

I’m not even going to touch that second paragraph because it’s indecipherable consultant-speak. I’m kind of surprised the Business Journal published that sentence.

So let’s look at that last passage about prospective “green jobs.” If we’re talking about potential career paths, this is a no-brainer– you’ve got to go with “environmental compliance inspector.”

Essentially, the federal government is paying Missouri to research how people can receive more money from the federal government for enforcing federal government regulations that destroy actual jobs. What kind of schmuck would pick “farmer” or “engineer” when you’ve got a shot at a triple-reinforced federal bureaucratic green job like that?

I am reminded of this satirical chart. It seems less absurd every day.

Report: 98% Of Stimulus Jobs Created Involve Analyzing Or Reporting On Job Creation

Jesus Christ. These new green jobs suck.

It is undeniable that the contemplated carbon tax/”cap-and-trade” legislation will create jobs. But the question should not be whether it will create jobs, but rather what kinds of jobs? How many? And, at what cost?

Here is Sen. Barbara Boxer (D-Calif.), the chairwoman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, describing how the legislation could be a jobs windfall for her home state:

Moving forward with the climate bill, Boxer said, would “allow this economy to take off, because it would draw, not federal funds, but private funds.”

She said that venture capitalists in her home state of California have told her that the bill would signal a good time to invest in green technologies, which Boxer said she hoped would create jobs.

If the government makes it inordinately expense or difficult, or both, to do business, it is likely that entrepeneurs and investors will divert resources to emergent industries that solve (or circumvent) those challenges. At least as long as we practice some semblance of capitalism, that’s what will happen. And it will clearly create some jobs. But something else will happen, too– dirty, boring industrial jobs that Barbara Boxer and Kleiner Perkins don’t have any interest in may evaporate or move to China or India forever.

I can’t help wondering what other legislation might create new, sexy, “green collar jobs,” whatever the hell that means:

• Grounded-for-Good. It is illegal to fly on an airplane unless you are a Congressperson, or one of the 25 amazing American patriots that each Congressperson is allowed to pick. Source of new jobs: solar-powered zeppelins, hang-gliding insurance, graft
• No-More-Guzzlers. The internal combustion engine is illegal. It is also illegal to talk disparagingly about the imminent Fisker Automotive IPO, or billionaires from Tennessee. Source of new jobs: Self-congratulatory Tesla and Fisker merchandise
• Alpacas-All-The-Time. It is discovered that the alpaca has a substantially smaller carbon footprint than cows, pigs and other livestock animals– which are all, naturally, now illegal. Source of new jobs: Alpaca psychics, one-way zeppelin flights out of the USA

And good riddance…but we do have one thing to thank Van Jones for:  a glimpse into the future of postmodern totalitarian fashion.  He’s bringing back communist dictator/James Bond villain chic!

World class. More at Hot Air:
Krauthammer: Van Jones Truther allegations “devastating”

And Gateway Pundit:

Unreal!… Van Jones Even Cut an Anti-American, Anti-White, Anti-Israel, Hate-Filled Musical Recording! (Video)

Busted Again… Van Jones Was On the Board at “War Times” For a Year & a Half …Update: Jones “Bush Used Flag to Beat-Whip Iraq Dissenters”

Commie Van Jones on Bush: “President Bush Sounded Like a Crackhead” (Video)

Top Republican Calls For Obama’s Communist-Truther Green Czar to Step Down …Update: Sen. Bond Calls for Investigation