Emilio Estevez is actually a hallucination Charlie Sheen had at a party at Judd Nelson’s house in 1984.

When Charlie Sheen takes the red pill, nothing happens. Then he punches a hooker.

Jim Morrison named “The Doors” after a series of glass doors he saw Charlie Sheen punch hookers through.

Cocaine was removed from the original formula for Coca-Cola because Charlie Sheen had already snorted it all.

If the facts remain broadly as outlined, this incident has serious implications for airline travel: A man is on the no-fly list but is allowed to board the plane. Everyone flying on an inbound long-haul flight to the United States is forced to hand over excessively large amounts of liquids and gels and put the small amounts permitted into separate plastic bags, yet the no-fly guy’s material for bomb-making sails through undetected.

This time the last line of defense worked. Next time, the paradise-seeking jihadist might get lucky and find himself sitting next to, say, Charlie Sheen, too immersed in a lengthy treatise on how 9/11 was an inside job to notice the smoldering socks in the next seat; or to the same kind of nothing-to-see-here crowd who thought Major Hasan’s e-mails were “consistent with his research interests”.

I was going to suggest such a meeting would be beneath the office of the President, but didn’t Obama invite somebody from terminally pre-revenue Twitter to advise him on economic policy?

Interesting that Lt. Harley has been silent on the war in Iraq, given his own history in the region:

UPDATE: Greg Gutfeld has more on Topper.

But look, I love Sheen simply being Sheen. He is a man unencumbered by self-awareness. Think about it: The world’s most famous clueless druggie, gambling-addicted whore-banger thinks he’s uncovered a conspiracy – and we should all believe him.

How cute is that?