The late Matt Stone (left) and Trey Parker

NEW YORK CITY – In an effort to avoid an Islamist backlash to a recent episode of South Park which attempted to depict the Muslim prophet Muhammad, executives at Comedy Central have preemptively beheaded the cartoon’s creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone.

The specially-forged scimitar used in the beheading was then presented to the American-Islamic Council in an elaborate apology ceremony. Representatives from Comedy Central donned hijabs and dutifully recited passages from the Qur’an.

[South Park creators Matt] Stone and [Trey] Parker get what was at stake in the Danish-cartoons crisis and many other ostensibly footling concessions: Imperceptibly, incrementally, remorselessly, the free world is sending the message that it is happy to trade core liberties for the transitory security of a quiet life. That is a dangerous signal to give freedom’s enemies. So the South Park episode is an important cultural pushback.

…

They’re so edgy they’re curled up in the fetal position, whimpering at the guy with the cutting edge, “Please. Behead me last. And don’t use the rusty scimitar where you have to saw away for 20 minutes to find the spinal column . . . ”