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"Hilarious." – Daniel Hannan

THE ONION: ExxonMobil CEO Really Hurt That College Student Is Talking About Him Right Now

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IRVING, TX—According to sources within ExxonMobil’s global headquarters, Rex W. Tillerson, the company’s president, chairman, and CEO, was completely devastated Wednesday by what 18-year-old Skidmore College freshman Samantha Huestis was saying about him in her dorm room.

After aides abruptly pulled him the 58-year-old executive of a deepwater-exploration meeting, Tillerson was said to have gasped audibly and shake his head in apparent despair when notified that the communications major had charged ExxonMobil with “raping the environment” and had claimed that Tillerson himself “only cares about money.”

Written by Moog Rogue

February 28th, 2011 at 1:24 pm

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