Are you fucking kidding me?

Missouri has won a $1.2 million grant funded by the federal stimulus package for research on “green” occupations and the skills needed for these jobs.

The planned research includes statewide and regional green growth reports with localized analyses of green industries and job trends; a green competency model, which will spell out the skills and competencies needed for green occupations; and a green pathways career guide, which will present a step-by-step guide to securing green careers with assessments, skill lists and training information.

…

Examples of specific occupations with “green” potential include farmers, engineers, environmental compliance inspectors, biologists and construction managers.

I’m not even going to touch that second paragraph because it’s indecipherable consultant-speak. I’m kind of surprised the Business Journal published that sentence.

So let’s look at that last passage about prospective “green jobs.” If we’re talking about potential career paths, this is a no-brainer– you’ve got to go with “environmental compliance inspector.”

Essentially, the federal government is paying Missouri to research how people can receive more money from the federal government for enforcing federal government regulations that destroy actual jobs. What kind of schmuck would pick “farmer” or “engineer” when you’ve got a shot at a triple-reinforced federal bureaucratic green job like that?

I am reminded of this satirical chart. It seems less absurd every day.

Report: 98% Of Stimulus Jobs Created Involve Analyzing Or Reporting On Job Creation