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"Hilarious." – Daniel Hannan

BREAKING: Obama invites all Taliban insurgents to make their home in Illinois

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Smoke rises from an explosion in central Kabul, where no American jobs are presently being saved or created.

Today the White House announced, unexpectedly, that they have extended an invitation to all Taliban insurgents to move from the urban battlefields of Afghanistan to the foreclosed suburban development of Hillcrest Estates in southern Illinois.

In a joint announcement with President Barack Obama and Defense Secretary Robert Gates, Attorney General Eric Holder remarked on the shift in the administration’s war strategy.

Moving these Taliban combatants– every last one of them– to American soil will give us a unique opportunity to demonstrate our commitment to the rule of law.

What do we have to hide from? Let’s show the world that the American courts, and our law enforcement community, can handle– fairly, and consistent with our principles– whatever these guys might throw at us. Or attach to their bodies and detonate, as it were.

A beaming Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL) enumerated the job creation opportunities for his home state.

Whether it’s dull blades, suicide vests, Soviet-era artillery, the products and services needed to support this new insurgent population in our state will generate much-needed jobs.

Because the new development will be located in the notoriously litigious Madison County, it is also expected to be a boon for trial attorneys specializing in claims of religious and racial discrimination.

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Written by Ironic Commando

November 18th, 2009 at 11:07 pm

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