Hello readers, Meghan McCain here. Today I want to write about what it takes for conservatives to be cool. You may ask, why does Meghan McCain know what makes a cool conservative? Well it’s pretty simple arithmetic– because I have four gay friends, three blogs and five episodes of the Daily Show on my iPhone. I am not sure what that totals, but I do know that it’s not zero!  I  hope you’re taking notes, dino-Republicans ; )

Speaking of old people, I am so sick of Michelle Malkin telling me to shut up. What, is she afraid that a new generation of young, glam conservatives is taking hold of the GOP? Michelle is 14 years older than me. You’ve had your time, grandma– move aside and make way for the Twitter generation!

Speaking of Twitter, do I need to point out that I had registered on Twitter 6 months before Michelle Malkin or Ann Coulter did? And I don’t think Laura Ingraham has even joined yet! What a dinosaur!

In fact, I have already moved way beyond Twitter. I have begun using FlitWit, a new social networking site where you are limited to one alphanumeric character per post. (Anything except the number 0 or the letters I and L, which are disabled because they are so lame. How cool is that!)

Let me do a word count really quick to see how much more I need to write. (The guys from Missourah asked for 400 words.) Thinking is hard! I usually have to stop and take a rest after a few minutes. BBL. (Look that up in urbandictionary, Michelle! : P)

OK, I’m back. I think these guys wanted me to say something about libertariam-nism. Let me hop on Wikipedia real quick and see what that is. Weird. There’s no entry in Wikipedia for libertariam-nism. What, am I supposed to grab an Encyclopedia Britannica like that geriatric Michelle Malkin? LOL. I hate to say it, but if it’s not on Wikipedia, young people don’t care about it.

Word count? 333. Man, I wish I could just FlitWit this. Or just go to some social networking site where I can click thumbs-up or thumbs-down until it generates 400-words of hip commentary.

This is tough! What is up with this minimum word count, anyway? I feel like I’m back at Columbia, writing an essay for my art history degree. Except those were only 300 words, and I got to use pictures!

Yay! I am done. Thanks for reading everybody!

(Editor’s Note: This is satire. Somebody with a pad of paper and colored pencils please try to explain what satire is to Ms. McCain.)

UPDATE: Apparently we were not the first ones to try this. And not surprisingly, Dr. Zero has done a much better job.