From You Canâ€™t Make It Up, the following account of Cameron Diazâ€™s appearance at the 2005 Reebok Human Rights Awardsâ€”not a joke, like say, the Keds Tribute to Military Valor might beâ€”proves that the real lives of celebrities are 1000x more amusingly moronic than anything anybody could write for them:
â€œThe true highlight of the evening came when Cameron Diaz pranced out on stage. Waving and blowing kisses she tottered in her stilettos and skintight jeans over to the podium. Struggling to read the speech prepared for her, she gratefully welcomed interruptions of high school kids screaming, â€˜You’re so hot Cameron!! I want you Cameron!â€™ â€˜Come on you guys,â€™ she said tossing her shiny blond hair over her shoulder, â€˜Please. I mean, it’s totally awesome that you’re here.â€™ Wink.
She then read her bit about Carlos Rojas, a videographer documenting violent atrocities against his indigenous ethnic group in Oaxaca. â€˜Brutalized, attacked, imprisoned and tortured by the Mexican military, the Mixe found themselves without a voice,â€™ Cameron read. Then, looking up at the audience, puppy dog eyes wide, she ad libbed, â€˜I think we all know what that feels like, right guys?â€™ From the back of the auditorium came the response, â€˜I want to do you, Cameron!â€™ She smiled and waved. â€˜You guys are so awesome!â€™â€
I guess this is the kind of gravity you get with the star of â€œThe Sweetest Thing.â€ I am just relieved that, when Carlos Rojas approached Cameron to receive the award, the sheer absurd incongruity of those two standing together didnâ€™t cause the universe to implode.